i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
