im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
