I faked an abortion last night.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
