Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
my liver is dry heaving
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
