She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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