Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
soo... how was my night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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