i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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