soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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