Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
