If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
