"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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