i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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