Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
