Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
