Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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