I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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