I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
