She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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