Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
