I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
