Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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