you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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