grandma shit on top of the toilet
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
