**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
