you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
