you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
