I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
