I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
birth control should be required to get into college
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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