i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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