Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
