thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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