I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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