my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
