um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
