Screwed.edu
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
