Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
