can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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