Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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