It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
