I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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