I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
