I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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