They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
