First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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