he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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