dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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