people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
