I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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