can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
