never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
