idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
