That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
