i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
