Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
