Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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