I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
