my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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