I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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